


Shrinking As He Grows

by Robin1103



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Neglect, Suicide Attempt, not a happy story really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 11:28:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15072215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robin1103/pseuds/Robin1103
Summary: They're fine, right?Patton and Logan are married, successful and happy. Until they're not as happy as they seem.





	Shrinking As He Grows

**Author's Note:**

> So this was a collab ages ago. Between Fairly_Grimm_Sides, and I. Please heed the warnings on this one.

Logan watched from afar sometimes, marvelling at Patton’s steadily growing business. It was impressive, Patton having built it from nothing, slowly and painfully working to achieve success, over the years Logan had stood by him, First as friends and now as lovers. he had been there when Patton had fallen into illness, he had been there as Patton recovered and now he was here as Patton blossomed. far far brighter than he’d ever been and Logan was content to witness.. Even if he felt insignificant next to Patton at times. Patton took it all in stride. The good times and the bad. Nothing phased him. He was the same person he’d became friends with all those years ago. The same person he’d fallen in love with. But they way people regarded him had definitely changed. 

When Logan held his boyfriends arm at a event or party they only spoke to him. They barely acknowledged his presence despite Patton’s efforts to keep him included. But all the conversations ended up following about the same script.  
“This is my boyfriend, Dr. Logan Andrews.”  
“Doctor, huh? That’s impressive Medical or?”  
“I have a PhD in Art History.”  
“Ah.”  
And that was that.

Logan simply came to accept he would be mostly ignored, he stayed quiet and only inputted when needed. Staying by Patton all night every night but feeling small as his boyfriend stands proud, loud and bold and bright it is impossible not to curl in on himself, only for Patton to push his shoulders back and hold his hand tighter. When Logan smiles it is a small quiet thing. just like he was becoming. Patton is kind and loving and sweet but Logan cannot control his mind, the thoughts resembling a tangled web more than his previously organised mental state. 

Life went on. Logan grew more insecure but hid it, scared of tarnishing his boyfriend’s reputation. They’d already had gossip spread around, quiet whispers followed them, sniggers as they look at Logan. Patton reacted the same every time. He would pull Logan close, eyes bright with love as he for once ignores everyone else but them.. Until it ends. until Patton kisses him chastely and lets his arms fall from around Logan. Until his focus is once again on others. Logan has grown used to that too 

Seven years. They had been together seven years. Patton was it for him, but they didn’t talk about marriage. Or adoption. Or anything permanent. He knew Patton loved him. Patton seemed to love everyone he met though. And Patton’s aversion to the topics of commitment only fed into his fears. Although, perhaps aversion was the wrong word. Patton’s… negligence. Logan wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t arm candy, he was the head of his department at an Ivy League University, for Christ’s sake. He was a good professor. A damn good one. He didn’t know what he had done to warrant his boyfriend’s negligence.

Logan loved him so he didn't speak his concerns, he knew this was flawed, he knew he should just ask Patton to stay with him a little longer in the mornings, to stay in bed and cuddle like they used to. But he couldn’t, whereas Patton had grown he had shrunk. No longer could he speak without feeling shame creep into his mind, the conversations at parties still fresh in his head . how easily he had been brushed aside, doubts plague his mind and succeed in tangling it further, He watches the days go by, clocking every flaw within himself as a potential reason for Patton’s negligence. He searches his tired eyes, watches the bags steadily grow over weeks of staying up too late, weeks of lying beside Patton’s sleeping form curled against him, because that was the only time Patton stayed long enough for Logan to curl against him. 

In the past, Logan had thought suicide was selfish. In fact, his opinion had not changed, but they way he thought about the act as a whole had. Logan did not want to die. Logan didn’t want many things though. He didn’t want to have to schedule a time to be intimate with his boyfriend. He didn’t want the pressure that came with being in a relationship with a CEO with a 6 figure salary. He didn’t want to cry when Patton had to cancel plans. He didn’t want to hide his tears and worry his lovable, beautiful boyfriend. Logan didn’t want to live but he didn’t want to die...No, he didn’t want to die. But he didn’t want live either. He wanted an end to the stress that made his every breath feel laboured. So Logan attempted. A simple noose and a stool, he did not need anything fancy or too painful, he just wanted this to end. He wanted Patton to be unrestricted too. This was best for him. He looked at himself in the mirror one last time, staring at the pale haggard face, the shadowed bags around his eyes, how easy it is to shrink.. He stood on the stool and closed his eyes, breath going as soon as he stepped off. He stayed there, hanging and swaying slightly until Patton found him..

And proceed to freak the fuck out. 

Spots flashed and his vision darkened as he suddenly found himself on the floor with Patton’s arms wrapped tight around him his boyfriend’s body sobbing uncontrollably tears covering his cheeks, “Oh God, don’t leave me baby! I love you- I love you so much. Don’t close your eyes, Lo. Lo? Stay with me!” Logan faded into the haze of peaceful eternity as he heard the distant murmurs of a 911 operator saying help was on the way. When Logan stirred awake, he woke to a blank ceiling, his mind hazy and throat aching.. He sucked in breath but winced.. He tried to sit up, being intercepted by a concerned Patton, he looked like a wreck.. Nothing like how he usually did, The CEO was gone, in his place was a concerned apologetic boyfriend. He only existed for the month following his suicide attempt. Doctors and psychiatrists didn’t help him nearly as much as Patton’s newfound dedication to him. He didn’t leave his side unless Logan asked him too. He gave his company over to his C.O.O but remained owner.He Skyped called board meetings, all the while he held Logan’s hand and he didn’t go to company events anymore unless it was absolutely essential. He told how much he loved him everyday. He told him that he always came first. The more time they spent together the more they talked. About everything and nothing. And the future. He flew them to France and proposed to Logan during a private nighttime tour of the Louvre. And he said “Finally. Yes.”


End file.
